you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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