yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize