i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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