ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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