doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
