God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
