Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
