Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
