the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
