You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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