why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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