I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
