question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
