the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
