I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
