if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
