so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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