If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
