I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
