You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize