Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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