omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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