Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
