if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
