U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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