so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
