we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
