96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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