Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
