My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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