peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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