Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
