Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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