I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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