you traded sex for a burrito?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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