final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
