i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As shirtless as possible
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
