connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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