And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize