For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
