It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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