I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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