I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
