I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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