My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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