return my video game
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
