I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i now understand why vodka
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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