The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
