He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
