A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
