I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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