where am i from again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
