he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
