All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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