Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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