my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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