I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
