didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
