I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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