Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
