Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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