i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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