There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
