i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
