At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
