I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
