just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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