Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
