Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
50% drunk capacity currently
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
