Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
