The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
