i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
