Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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