the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
